The Life of a Turtle: scattered thoughts...

It has been an interesting adventure living here in California. I am definitely learning more than I ever thought was possible. I am breaking out of my "turtle" shell and experiencing things that I never thought were ever possible. It is so crazy. I am learning how to think and not just regurgitate. It has been a crazy struggle though in the past few months or so. I think that I am in one of those necessary periods where I am struggling, but it is a good kind of struggling. It means that I am growing. It seems like the more I learn, the more I realize that I know nothing.

Turtle is my camp name that was chosen for me for outdoor education. It was definitely not my idea, but the more that I thought about, the more it made perfect sense. The funny reason that I was named that was because I like to be awkward a lot. It is funny to see people's reactions. Another reason is that I walk slow... comparatively, I guess. It totally agree though. I am generally a slow person to figure thngs out, and even to do things. I am totally ok with that. It doesn't make me wrong, it just makes mem laid back. I dont think that I could ever make it in a fast-paced business, but who knows, I might be better at it than i think... But I think that I have found my calling, and it actually makes perfect sense. On the last week of ODE when we got out evals, one of the parents said that I was better one on one with the kids. This, my friend, makes a whole lot of sense. Even before this comment I had been thinking about the possibility of going to get my Master's in School Counseling and when I read that comment I felt like it was conformation. I definitely have the right background for it and I really like the school hours. If things go like I want them too (which- lets be honest... what ever goes the way you plan it?? but still... it is good to plan) I would like to start grad school in a year at a school here and go from there. I think that this is definitely a good direction for me...

good times mixed with a little frustrations

Things in California have been interesting to say the least. I feel like this is how it is to truly live; to do what your passionate about and hold nothing back. Not to say that things are perfect here by any means. They have just been different. We have had some cool adventures to say the least. It is absolutely gorgeous out here. There are times that I have to tell myself that this is real. It is crazy how different than any other experience that I have had.

One weekend, we went on a bike trip to Point Reyes. On the way there, tho, there was an accident ahead of us involving a turned over milk truck. So, we actually ended up not being able to go to our destination... that is for a couple of days. SO, we ended just exploring the coast a bit. it was pretty epic. Even though we did kind of get in trouble because we did a little bit of trespassing... lol! oops! We then went out for appetizers and drinks. we had some good times there. We then went to a cove and had a bonfire. It was stinking awesome. The waves were crashing all around us and the stars were out. It was a wonderful experience. It was a good time to really get to know the others and have h-2-h's. I remembered talking about how campfires are a good place to get to know each other because you don't have to have that added awkwardness of looking people in the eye. I thought that that was a really interesting point. It was such a great night. The next day we went biking... well, not so much biking as hiking carrying a bike most of the way. We were up to our knees in mud. It was pretty crazy. And I almost got attacked by a cow. That was pretty funny! That weekend was pretty epic all together.

Camp has been pretty good. I remembered why I love camp so much. The first week was pretty rough though. It wasn't so much trying to figure out what was going on as it was dealing with kids who really could care less about what you were saying. They were all "too cool for school". After this week I wasnt really sure what to expect. The next week that I had with kids was COMPLETELY the opposite. The kids were AMAZING. I enjoyed it tremendously. The kids for some reason really liked me. Everywhere I went I heard "Hey Turtle!!!" It was so cute. Some girls who were not even in my group would come up to me and hug me. It was awesome. The next week with kids was also pretty great. I really am starting to get a lot more confidence in what I am doing and how everything is going.

Frustrations come and go in this job. Learning to love people is something that I am working on. I feel like everyone has different experiences that have shaped them differently and it is really hard to comprehend that and make it OK. I have been struggling a lot with who the Lord is and what role he has in my life. I feel like it is the same struggle over and over. I have a hard time with consistency. I really want to be at a place in my life where I have complete faith that the Lord will provide, and that He loves.

keepin it cali... or whatev!

Well, I made the long trek westward to the beautiful state of California. This is the first time that I have been here, so its pretty exciting! The trip was fun and adeveturous. The first day wasn't too bad. I drove for like 10 or so hours until i got to a little town outside of Salt Lake City. I was sure that I was going to meet a mormom guy and live happily ever after with him and his other wives... haha! thats a joke. Before I got here, tho, my cousin called me and freaked me out a little. She said that there was an earthquake that day in california north of san francisco. The camp that I am at is north of san francisco, so I of course thought the worse. we talked for a while and realized that it was about 200 miles up the coast so they didnt even feel it here. So i stayed in this town; which is a cute little ski town. The next day was interesting. I started out at around 10:15 and I was planning on going for about 6 or 7 hours and stopping. Everything was good until I stopped to get gas about 2 1/2 hours in. I went to pay and the guy that checked me out told that there was a guy outside that wanted to talk to me. So, I walked out to my car and a tire service guy told me that one of my tires was about to blow. Naturally I kind of freaked out. So they took my car in and put it on the big jack and raised. They then told me that all the tires on my car were bad and they needed to be replaced or else something horrible was going to happen... (they didnt really say it like that but that is definitely how i interpreted it!) so, I called my dad freaking out of course. But my tires are so expensive and there was no way that I was going to be able to replace them, so after like an hour, I left the station, knowing that I there was no guarentee that I was going to make it to Cali, which was still about 550 miles away, without a blowout. From this point on, I went like 60 mph, when the speend limit was like 75... I know I made some people really mad! oh well, they are probably over it already... hopefully! So, the entire time that I was driving I was freaking out. I was planning on going all the way to my destination but I didnt want to chance having to change a tire in the dark, so I stopped in Reno. This was quite the experience also. I stayed at this really shady hotel! It looked to be in downtown reno... eek!! so I woke up and left quickly. That day I had about 4 hours to go. I went through Tahoe, which was gorgeous. The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. I finally made it without a single tire problem. Part of me wants to think that the guys were just trying to freak me out because I am a girl and they really wanted my business... too bad suckers!!! So, I have been at camp for about a day and a half and it has been fantastic! The people are amazing, and I think that this is going to be an amazing experience... so I appreciate your prayers in this time and I will keep you guys updated!!

what's next?

Life has been pretty crazy lately! It has come to my attention that I should start a blog. I have never really thought about it until now. I have learned so much in the past few months and thought I'd share it with anyone who wants to hear.

I graduated in May from college and nothing has gone the way that I wanted it to since then. This whole "growing up" thing has not been the most enjoyable experience. Definitely nothing like I imagined. I always thought that things would just fall into place somehow... No such luck! I am a worrier by nature so my last semester in college is when I started freaking out about what I was to do next. I like to plan my life so far ahead, so when I had no idea what was going to happen, I was perplexed. After evaluating things I came to the conclusion that "I have no flippin idea". I thought that I would keep my options open so I applied for a job at Camp Eagle. I have done a lot of work in the camping field and I really enjoy it. It ended up working out to work there as a summer staff. It was such a great summer. I love camp and everything that goes along with it. I felt that I learned a lot of little things last summer like how to love people deeply no matter who they are or where they come from.

Once again at the conclusion of the summer, I had no idea what was going to happen next. I was set on doing a 9 month program at Camp Eagle, but things didn't really work out there, so I just went to my parents house to try to figure things out. I felt like my life was at a stand-still. Things were really starting to close in and I was desperate. I had applied to so many different jobs with no luck. I was about to throw in the towell and became a professional student. But the thought of taking another test and slaving over more papers had no appeal to me whatsoever.

I was broswing facebook one day and found an ad for a nanny job in Colorado Springs. I had lived there before for a semester and absolutely fell in love with it and everything that it stood for. So, I inquired about the job. It turned out that the family was a very nice christian family. It all seemed to fall into place. I even found a house and a roommate to live with. Things seemed to be looking up. I was very nervous about moving and starting over in a town that I hardly knew anybody and had no idea what to expect. It was a pretty difficult move. The first day that I got there, I knew that something was not right. I wanted it to work so bad, though. I LOVE colorado! I started my job. I really enjoyed it. It was really laid back and chill, and the kids were GREAT! I really liked getting to know the family. I just wasn't sure that this was what I wanted to do with my life. I started researching other things in colorado springs and the area where I lived. I came across a job in the psychology field, which is what I got a degree in. I decided to exlore this job more to see if it would work for me. I figured since I spent so much time in this field in college, I needed to see what it had to offer. I took the job. It was HORRIBLE! I didn't really enjoy anything about it. I did realize that it wasn't something that I wanted to pursue for a career.

The whole time in Colorado I felt that it wasn't right and that my place was at camp. I disregarded it because I felt that that part of my life was done with and I needed to live in the "real world" for a while. HA! I def realized that it is more important to do what you love and use your calling in life for good instead of trying to live up to this unrealistic expectation that the world puts in your head. Screw what that world thinks!! I am doing what I want. Life is too short to try to live up to unrealistic expectations that are BOGUS anyway!! So, after realizing all of this I started to pursue camp jobs. I applied for this one job and they actually called me back the next day. Long story short, I got the job and am moving to California in about a week and a half. It is a dream job, and I am so excited to get there and start working. I have no idea what is going to happen and how it is going to happen, but I do know that this is something that I am going to love and I am going to put everything that I am into it to be the best that I can.

I know that this is lengthy, but this is where I am at now :)